Categories
habits

Skittles Are Wishes: everything you do matters

We are at once the problem and the only possible
solution to the problem. 

Michael Pollan

Hamburgers

I stopped eating meat when I was 11. When I was emotionally and intellectually mature enough to realize what (who!) the hamburger was, I was horrified, and that was that. A few years later, I learned more about factory farms, and swore off dairy and eggs, too. I loved animals and have never seen them as inferior beings. I couldn’t participate in their confinement, cruel and unfair treatment, or consumption. At its core, my choice was that simple and still is.

Some years later, I was at a talk where the science journalist Michael Pollan said plainly that when we buy something at the grocery store, we’re voting for it—that this is how everything works in a capitalist economy. Our money is our vote. So if I buy a tote of local, organic apples, I’m voting for that along with everything that comes with it. Same goes for if I buy a pack of cigarettes or socks or Skittles.

I’d never heard this put so simply before, and it kind of blew my mind!

I was used to thinking about what I consumed in terms of how it affected my health or happiness, or reflected my beliefs and feelings about the peaceful, damp-eyed cows up the road, but I was not used to thinking that every purchase I made had the power to reshape the market itself. That it’s not availability determining what I buy, but the other way around!

It was a revelation.


Everything you do is a wish you are making, a vote you get to cast for yourself and your life and the world.


Currency

I didn’t internalize all of this to mean I can’t ever vote for the Skittles (especially the red ones—I love those), but in registering that whatever I purchase at the market matters, it started to dawn on me that whatever I purchase anywhere matters. And, in fact, whether it involves money or food or more abstract products or currencies, each and every trade I make matters.

And it kind of matters a lot.

It’s often suggested in Zen Buddhism that this basic concept applies to everything we do. The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre  famously put it this way: A man is the sum of his actions.

We are the sum of our actions.

What does this really mean, to be the sum of your actions?

It means that everything you do (your thoughts! your body language! your speech! Your decisions, behaviors, reactions, treatment of others, treatment of yourself, choices about what you spend your time doing or consuming…) matters. In many ways, our lives are their own kind of transactional economies. What’s the currency? Your energy, time, and attention. How you spend it directly influences what you get to bring home to yourself.


We experience only what we pay attention to.
We remember only what we pay attention to.
When we decide what to pay attention to in the moment, we are making a broader decision about how we want to spend our lives.

from How to Break Up With Your Phone, by Catherine Price


rock your own vote!

It stands to reason, then, that our habits are established by whatever we repeatedly spend our energy and attention on. When we’re trying to change them, we have to make sure we can really get behind them. We can choose what to vote for, or we can leave it up to chance or circumstance. But we all know what can happen when we don’t take our vote seriously: it’s not pretty! But when we do? There may be no stopping us.

Our vote is our superpower!

Our habits are ours and only ours; nobody can plan or change them for us. We all have habits already: we’re making choices all the time, whether or not we mean to—and whether or not they ultimately reflect our values and support our well-being. When it comes to shaping up our habits, it’s not just logistical; it’s about what we are, what we want, who we want to be, and how we want to show up in our lives.


Try this:

Spend some time reflecting on these questions. Be honest and kind to yourself as you go. And listen, no matter how you’ve been conditioned, you can be both at the same time, all the time. If your inner critic (or inner unicorn) starts getting involved, going off from the peanut gallery and such, give him a lollipop to shut him up, pop your inner earmuffs on, and remember that you’re just a little bunny working on your stuff like the rest of us. He’s just trying to get your attention, as per usual—and you know what that means!

– What are some of the things you habitually “vote” for? Is there anything you’d like to vote for more often?

– What are your habits of mind? Which are helpful and which are more problematic?

– What do you habitually spend your energy and attention on? How much of it is intentional, and how much of it isn’t?

– What might “better” look like? Feel like? What small change could you make now that might help you move toward it?

And for the artists, writers, music-makers and other creatives out there:

Consider these questions with your creative life and work in mind. What are your creative habits? Which support your creative processes and projects–and which don’t? What do you spend your creative energy on? How much of it is on purpose? What might be or feel “better”, and what could you experiment with doing differently to move in that direction?


It’s on us to make sure that we’re casting our votes on purpose, and that our habitual choices line up with what we really care about. It’s less about wishful thinking and more about think-ful wishing. And you can still have the candy sometimes—but remember that it’s going to give you a bellyache if you eat too much of it. And if you choose it too often – that might be all that’s available!

And you might miss out on a lot of good apples.

There’s no such thing as a vote that doesn’t matter.

Barack Obama

Breathe, love, be well, and stay tuned for more! xo, ali


Want to learn more? Let’s connect! I offer complimentary consultations and would love to explore working together.

Categories
creativity habits

Carrot Seeds

From a small seed, a mighty trunk may grow.

AESCHYLUS

Have you ever seen carrot seeds? They are TINY! The first time I grew a garden by myself, it was the carrots that mystified me. The seeds were so little, and I remember crouching in the grass at the edge of the garden bed, poking them into the dirt and thinking, how can this possibly be a thing? An actual carrot is going to grow from this teeny brown fleck? Okay, Mother Nature, lay it on me.

I watched and watered and Earth Mama did her thing. And slowly but surely, percolating up from the underground like some kind of reverse-snowglobe, the magic began.

Within a few weeks, there were teeny green feathers peeking out from the soil. (And I hadn’t even planted feathers!) A few more weeks and the feathers were fancy little flapper hats. They got taller, and feathery-er, and more flamboyant, and eventually—dazzler of dazzlers!—in a couple of months’ time, when I gave one of the biggest hats a tug, up came a bright giant knobby orange CARROT. Hat and all.

I nestled it into a plastic shopping bag and brought it to school. In my poetry workshop, still blinking its dirt off, I yanked it from the bag like a rabbit from a hat (Behold!) to illustrate one thing or another to my students about the creative process. Plant your poetic seeds and water them and look what happens! What’s in the aboveground of your poem vs. below! Magic is real, people! I could go on and on with the analogies (and probably did). The carrot completely blew my mind. We had a grand time working and writing that day, with all this magical carroty wind at our backs.


try this:  

Build 5-10 minutes into your day for something that supports your desired goal/habit, and repeat it daily for 1 week.

Maybe you’re hula hooping in your living room for 8 minutes. Picking a word at random from a book and writing without stopping for 5. Reading for 10. Dusting for 10. Researching. Listing things you’re thankful for. Jogging. Practicing your Portugese, your triple-axel, your mindfulness, your ukelele. Whatever it is, repeat it every day for the same (carrot-seed-sized) amount of time and give yourself a gold star and a tiny dance party for each day that you’ve completed it.

At the end of the week, consider how it went, how you feel, note any progress you made or obstacles you encountered, and plan how you’d like to care for the seedlings of your habit the following week (repeat? Adjust? Change? etc.) as you water your habit—and begin to watch it grow.

Magic is real. Little things grow into big things. Same for habits as for carrots.

From a tiny seed, a mighty carrot may also grow.


Breathe, love, be well, and stay tuned for more! xo, ali


Want to learn more? Let’s connect! I offer complimentary consultations and would love to explore working together.

Categories
habits

New Habits: How to get started

I love New Year’s Resolutions! I love the feeling of a fresh start, an opportunity to set a 365-day goal to help me shine more brightly into the person I want to be and live into the life I want to have. We set all kinds of different goals, at this time of year and others, often revolving or relying on changing our behavior, ie: OUR HABITS.

Goals and habits can be best friends—or sometimes, depending, mortal enemies. Friends is better.

The more we can align our behaviors with our goals, the higher the likelihood is that we’ll reach them.

When setting any kind of goal, it’s important to “set ourselves up for success”. It sounds uninspired because it’s such a familiar instruction (clichés are usually just overripe truths–they’ve gotten mushy because we’ve heard them too often), but it’s actually really true and important—especially when the goal involves changing ingrained behavior.

here’s why:

When we decide we want to make a real, positive change, it’s easy to start strong. We’ve decided to do something we think will make us happier; it’s exciting! This is why so many resolutions seem to be going great in January (we’re jogging every morning! We’re flossing every night! We’re writing 1,500 words a day!), but as we get to the day-in-day-out work that any real change necessitates, the novelty starts to wear off and our energy dwindles and even vanishes. By March, all these ditched resolutions are wandering the streets in orphaned hordes, and we’re waking up late with food in our teeth, no idea where our sneakers even are, and we haven’t written more than six words in 2 weeks and four of them were swears. Everybody knows this feeling of having inadvertently abandoned our Own Great Plans: disappointment, confusion, frustration, shame.

ICK.

It’s the worst! What happened? Why can’t we get with the program—and stick to it?

here’s why:

All too often, we don’t set ourselves up for success, which dooms us to fail from the start. We see this sparkly future-version of ourselves with toned legs and healthy gums, halfway to having written The Next Great Novel, and we’re able to ride those bright feelings easily in the beginning. But when the newness of it all starts to wear off (Ugh, I have to write again? What else can I say that I didn’t just say yesterday?) and some clouds blow in (do I have to still have to jog when it’s snowing?) we don’t have anything to fall back on–so we fall off.

So what does “setting up for success” actually involve? How can we construct goals that are self-reinforcing? How do we adjust the design itself so we’re sure to maintain our enthusiasm, enjoy the process (up, down, and sideways), make continual, discernable progress, and feel confident and optimistic not just as we begin, but as we go?

Start small.

The trick to reaching any goal is to set smaller, micro-goals in the form of actionable steps that we we can actually accomplish.

why?

habits_start small_nesting dolls

It makes us feel good.
– We get a little burst of happiness each time we complete a step and can check it off (Hey, I did it! Go, me!)

It’s good for morale.
– Even micro-successes increase our sense of self-efficacy and confidence (I can plan something—and do it!)

It creates momentum.
– It helps us stay positive, hopeful, and energized as we see ourselves moving toward our larger goal(s) (Look! I’m getting closer!)

It’s great practice.
– Micro-goals build our planning, perseverance, and self-regulation muscles, preparing us to tackle bigger ones later  (If I can get here…I can probably get there, too!)


How do we structure these mini-goals?

  1. Make it manageable.
  2. Keep it clear.
  3. Know it’s meaningful.

one example

Last year, I decided to keep my resolutions simple and few, in a genuine attempt to set myself up for success. Each was habit/behavior-based. I had larger, more finite goals, too (finishing a program, completing my novel), and I knew these good habits would serve me well as I went along.

What did I do to keep each one simple?

I made it manageable. I limited myself to THREE goals that I could reasonably accomplish over the course of the year. (This concept and number ended up working beautifully for me in another area, too—more about that later!). To set ourselves up well, we have to be honest about both our superpowers and our limitations, so I made sure to bear both in mind.

I kept it clear. I made each goal VERY CLEAR. No list of specific rules for each, no complicated systems. I kept my goals simple enough that I could fit the jist in the little space on my habit tracker (just a word or two) and I could remember them easily.

I knew it was meaningful. I made sure my goals really felt IMPORTANT to me. They had to be goals I was both excited about and was fairly certain would support me and improve the quality of my life. I got real with my hopes and true priorities, and was honest with myself about what would be meaningful, contribute to my happiness, and add value to my experience of the year.

Here’s what I came up with:

1.  Write

2.  Meditate

3.  Only Love

Write:

I’d been working on a novel, and writing 500 words a day most days for most of the previous year. For the new year, I considered where I was really at with my work and this project, and what would support me in a meaningful way as I continued my creative work. I recognized that it wasn’t so much a daily word count I needed now, but to just work on my writing and stay in the creative headspace every day. What should I do to support this? I kept my goal simple and clear: Write, work on writing. Edit, revise, work on a different, shorter-form project, whatever; as long as I worked on creative writing and kept my head in it, I got to check the “Write” box on my chart for the day. Totally manageable.

Meditate:

I’d been working on a meditation practice already, too, but was having a hard time being as consistent as I wanted. I decided, as I had done with writing, that what I really wanted and felt I needed was to make it a daily practice, an every-single-day kind of thing. I knew that regular meditation made me feel more happier and more settled because I was more in control of my actions, reactions, and emotions (meaningful). Again, I kept it clear: Sit and meditate. Even as little as one minute of dedicated meditating, at first, would count (manageable), and I got to check it off. I wasn’t trying to win a meditation marathon! I just wanted it to become a reliable, positive part of my routine and life.

Only Love:

Training my puppy (Pearl) had been going great overall, but as she matured into a more independent and sometimes defiant teenage phase, we’d run into some snags. I’d lost my cool with her a few times, which always felt crummy and counterproductive. Frustration is natural, but reacting in frustration not only goes against my principles (training and otherwise) but doesn’t nurture the trusting and supportive kinship I wanted to have with my friend (meaningful). I decided to instate an “Only Love” goal (clear and manageable), as a daily reminder to myself that even when I get frustrated, it’s my intention to maintain my composure, and continue communicating mindfully and lovingly.


No matter what your goals are, these little guidelines will help you as you go about the sometimes-tricky business of setting them up. We feel good when we see ourselves persisting, improving, and making positive change. Those good feelings blossom into more good feelings, and set in motion what Positive Psychologists call the “upward spiral”. (Check out this great resource about it – the site itself is themed for parents and teachers, but it’s a fantastic, straightforward explanation that absolutely applies to everyone.) 

And for more about how the number THREE worked for me last year, check this out. (Book-lovers, especially!)

Breathe, love, be well, and stay tuned for more! xo, ali


Want to learn more? Let’s connect! I offer complimentary consultations and would love to explore working together.